We're bumper cars.

you and me, we're bumper cars.

Slowly breaking down the walls that stayed for so long.
Dear friends please give me some time.
Feeling thankful, especially to those who've never left.

What do you do?

What do you do, when your teacher likes your idea but you're constrained by experience to implement your strategies to make this design work?
What do you do, even after countless of advice, you still cant seem to piece everything together?
What do you do, when your head is filled with a wondrous image of your design, but you just can't to make it work?
What do you do, when your head seems to be overflowing but your hand just can't draw them out?

when nothing's going right, go left?

What to do when nothing's going right at all?
It seems like everything's happening all at one shot.
I guess its true when they say, its either everything happening at once or nothing happens at all.

I'm in a vicious cycle I've allowed myself to fall into.
I allow the dark, pessimistic thoughts to get to me.

November's here

Went to her house approaching 12am and thanks to papa and mama lim, surprise success!! It took her 5 eternity seconds to recognize that I was there standing in her living room with a box of muffins and singing a happy birthday song awkwardly. Happy 21st, my dear friend. I think I don't have to say much. 

But know that it's something I really wanna do for my longest friend. 

And before that me and T had our first official meal outside with our childhood friend since he's going into the army! Though memories are vague, I remember us growing up together and there are baby photos of it! Even though I've actually known you for 20 years of my life, yesterday was just our first outing how pathetic is that! 😂 

All the best Sean! 

Happy 21st our Korean star

Went to a friend's bday party today! 

It was a one of a kind party cuz it was by far it has been one in which the attire has been pretty difficult for most of us- KPOP/Korean style!! Hahaha. 

We had loads of fun and it was pretty stressy when everyone had to perform individually though it was good stress and everyone got to show off their beautiful voices and talent. 

Some even brought their guitar and uke and basses :)

I caught up w B and B; it seems pretty long since we last talked. 

Seeing my friends with their talents especially E shocking us with her secret dancing talent made us all bring new awe and respect for one another :) we're all talented in one way or another and I'm really appreciative of it! 

And seeing X and A putting in so much effort for Jl as loving friends really warms the heart :) 

And some really impromptu pictures I took nearing the end.  

(I took off my korean cap and ponytail towards the end)

Queen of mando, Korean pop. Her voice never fails to amaze :) 

& Of course, this woman with such a mesmerising voice. 

Shane Filan - You And Me

Hung up on this song recently, its tune is really getting to me.

Ps.

recess week is far too short, its ending soon ):

The mean person

I'm probably the mean person that people talk about. The kind whom can shut off from others completely all of a sudden without any reason. The kind that can be completely jovial and outgoing in one moment and be a completely unresponsive and uninterested the next. 

I guess it's something I can't change despite knowing I have to. 

Current mode: "please just give me lots of personal space" 

Autopilot

Feeling really reaallly detached from nearly everyone all of a sudden.
On the last day of school especially.
I felt a compulsive need to not go to school nor see nor talk to anyone from school or even my outside friends.
So I kinda just stayed home.
Perhaps I'm changing again.

It's a weird feeling really.
Again, I dont like myself being like this.
 But my body and mind seems as if it's on autopilot, doing whatever it thinks its right.

You make architecture become, a chore

I'm still the same person. The same person who can't be forced to do something I don't want/don't like. 

This school has killed it all. If there was any passion at all, it has been eradicated until there isn't any speck. 

Work load comes in waves. 

On weekends after a tiring draining week, your body screams for play; or plainly, just rest. Mind and body away from this overwhelming waves of work. 

And when your body fails to comply and rests instead, you feel guilty afterward for just resting. Designing becomes a tiring chore, deadlines everyday, projects Submisson every week. 

Some things are done just because it is graded. Just cause I need to complete it, I do it half heartedly and when the arrows fly, it should have been something expected but still it will hurt. Probably, if I were to do it half heartedly again, I shouldn't even start. 

Architecture, and this particular education becomes a chore. 

Have you, ever put yourselves in our shoes? 

Week 4

Week 4.

The week where all the projects are due. 

Curse mode was 10000 today. 

I hope you'll let us tide over smoothly and not let us lose faith in this place. 

It has become really draining mentally, I even had stomach aches due to the work load, which was something I never really experienced before. 

Deadlines upon deadlines. I wonder if they ever liased with one another about the work they are giving us. 

Still, I'm glad that Tuesday is finally over.

And I had a nice home breakfast of beehoon today! 

And I had raucousIgnasius(one of the few who can understand my lameness and weirdness) and kind Mel to help me out with Vasari ! 

And Shirley beryl and some section 2 people creating chaos to ease our pressure away. Even the sp from poly said that its so much worse compared to poly ): 

still, i pray that after going through all these, we'll all be good. 

And I finished my revit model which is really a miracle thanks to Jo who guided me :) 

Counting my blessings....

331am 

L

Clockwork mouse running on batteries

These few days haven't been exactly great so far!
I walked out on my group on Monday and fell out with a friend but I finally made it up with her.
I guess I can never stop discovering more about myself, the walls I have built up against others, the walls I have built up against myself...

Itp had been a healing period and now it's back to real life- the feeling of time pressing down on your back, workload becoming heavier. In short, the feeling as if you're on an escalator but still there are tonnes of people pushing you at the back. Sometimes the days make me feel as if I'm a clockwork mouse, running on batteries with no particular sensation or emotion. Or rather, no time for emotions.

Meeting new people and going to new places are good for healing. But I realise the issues aren't ever solved unless you start by tackling it straight in the bud.

Certain scenarios like this calm me down, amidst the hustle and bustle of this chug-a-chug lifestyle. 

Back to Sch

Back at school for only the second week and we're already rushing for final presentation. 

And not exactly being a good student by going to bed while people wake up nor sleeping proper hours. I need my sleep D: 

* 

Missing home and friends more than ever recently. 

One of the pictures I took while staying up late at school! 

Life's gonna be a little dry for now but more hectic definitely! 

Non-constructive

One of my JC friends had a party today.
Though honestly I dont like parties, I still went to see him- ages since I met him!
One of the most irritating buddies in JC but still one-of-a-kind.
I hope he will find joy in his new phase in life!

I guess parties make me feel out of place and sometimes I prefer to be a wallflower though I will actually still be making lots of commotion but oh well.

**
Sometimes I think in a void.

There're nothing specific really, just random memories of people and things that happened.
Most of them are really funny, the kind that will always make you smile but are the kind that just
makes you happy in that moment.

Usually the days pass with much laughter.. but there's still something crucial missing that I can't seem to grasp upon.

With Grace

For knowing me more than I myself,

For pushing me into the water when I felt like I've been sleeping under a warm comfy blanket for years, 

For nipping the issue in the bud, 

For shaking me thoroughly when I need it most :-) 

For knowing me inside out throughout these 12.5 years,

I'm thankful for your grace :) 

3 sunny days, 2 lasting nights

Went to Bintan for the first time for 3 days and 2 nights. Thankful for this experience thanks to Mag for being so altruistic and sharing towards the three kids. 

Being in a constant bustle transiting from school, to work to violin exam, this retreat allowed me much time. Having a slow lifestyle there made me feel as if I was living in a different time zone, where eating, walking and playing didnt have to be rushed. As bad as it may sound, I was really unused to it. I guess I should have more periods of real-chill like these. Time in a way passed really slowly over there, but yet as a whole, in a flash. 

There were moments I really enjoyed which would bring joy to my heart if I were to recall the memories. I loved it when we walked along the rocks under the warm glow of the moon. It was bright against the dark sky. There was the gentle lapping of the waves against the rocks, the dim lights of the lamps, the occasional buzz of a passing aeroplane in the sky, the soft fine sand flowing through between our toes. The vastness of both the sky and the sea - their entirety exuded a magical and mysterious glow, but yet at the same encapturing a sort of huge, unknown undescribable void..... 

Mag brought lanterns along and we carried them (bringing me back to my primary and secondary school days where we would carry lanterns and play with candles at our void decks) and walked along the beach. The lanterns were really mini ones, the traditional types in dark pink, light green and yellow with flowers adorned on it. It made me think of younger times when me and the pumpkins would play candles by the benches and throw sparklers into trees. Funny how time has flown! 

Lucky us, we managed to catch a live firework show. We waited for a good 20-30 minutes where the staff lighted up two  boxes of firework supported on the posts . It was magical! They shot up into the sky and burst into many colours and I enjoyed every second of it. I didn't take photo of them cuz I wanted to capture them all in my head. The firework was just right above our heads and I could see the sparks dropping down into the sand. (Kinda afraid that it would have dropped Onto my head though but I was lucky) I think they burst into colourful flames just about 10 storeys above us? It was so close!! Mag made friends with children along the way and it was really funny when one of the lanterns caught fire and the kids were really so excited about them.

I also tried the waterjet ski for the first time. It was ultra exhilarating because Wayne drove so fast and I was holding into him for dear life. I was such a noob, but real thanks to his selflessness he agreed to let me be the pillion rider even though I was such a burden! The jet ski person brought us out quite far and I saw  the many beaches and rocks and villas along the way. Of course at the time when we were flying through the water we couldn't take any photos, but I will always remember the experience in my head- the sliding of the jet ski over the strong waves, my heart in my mouth, the blasting winds through our hair, the brightness of the sun, the white passing beaches, the glittering water, the occasional fishing hut out in the further waters, the whizzing past of Kenneth on his jet ski with his hair flying up against the wind, the sharp loops and turns adventurous Wayne made, our (mostly mine) screams that went along with our jet ski ( "FUN OR NOT?" "YESSS!!" *accelerates more*) and of course me swinging into the water when I couldn't hold on anymore. We were all burnt lobsters thereafter. Pink shiny nose, reddish arms, tired bodies, refreshed souls.

Mag brought us out for a lavish dinner by the beach as well with luxuriant food platters! I tried sheared fish for the first time(tasted like fruit) and vinegrette(vinegar and basil oil?? Or was it olive oil?)! 

-

Being my roomie she made me step out of my comfort zones many a times- "WEAR THE BIKINI LAH" and I'm really thankful for her pushing me out of my boundaries I never thought I would. Perhaps it's really time for me.  

Being my foot wrestler he's a wise young man with wise soothing advice and words,but rmb I'll be there if you ever need too ;) 

& of course this fellow ESFP whom I find his quirkiness and eccentricity reflecting mine sometimes :) 

Appreciative for these series of events I've encountered so far- meeting new people, visiting new places, doing new things - definitely, experience is really the best teacher ever. 

Of course the best things are never in pictures or maybe not even words, but definitely in the head :) 

* 

On a side note, I should really start embracing school. And I shall RESIST THE EVIL FORCES ;) 

# 01

Genre: Fiction

Unsaid

Feeling apprehensive, I walked towards the cinema, looking out for a familiar face. It was the mall near my house where we used to walk about aimlessly for hours and smuggle snacks into the movies.

As usual, it was always me who would notice him first in the sea of rushing faces, with him always bypassing me, aiming straight ahead searching, but never looking carefully.

“Hey!” I said, making him jolt. A fringe now covered his forehead, his chest now well-defined. But his cheeky grin that reached his eyes stayed unchanged.

It was a movie I had initiated, for we had watched the first part together and I felt that we should watch it together to somehow- put things to completion. I guess I didn’t like the feeling of things suspending nor the feeling of uncertainty. I really liked this series, but it would not feel right if I watched it with someone else. Making small talk and walking towards the cinema, it felt oddly familiar. It was a thing we used to do so frequently, but the gap of three years apart seemed to set a pall on us.

As with high expectations, they would usually culminate in great disappointment. The movie was a turn-down. Walking silently towards his car, like the movie’s bad ending, the mood between us seemed to swell, like a reminder of a sore thumb of the three years apart.

“How’s your family?” I asked, breaking the silence.
“My mum misses you.” He said with an unfathomable expression in this eyes.
He swerved the car out of the lot, the engine coming to life, whirring inconsistently.
I recall the times whenever I visited, the cool hard marble beneath my feet, and the middle-aged lady who always rushed to see me from the kitchen, carrying plates of snacks and fruit to offer.

I looked into his eyes in the enclosed space of the car that we were in. The gap between us seemed to dissolve and I felt the familiarity of comfort, of being true to my bones whenever I was with him.

Like the things that were unsaid, the rain droplets outside fell upon the window panes, silent in their movement, but creating a clear mark after their streak against the cool surface.

“Then how about you?” I probed, genuinely curious. “How’s that girl?”
“She’s a-girl-next-door, nice and quiet.” He answered. And after a pause, “Are you sure you want to know?”
“Yes of course. She’s sounds so different from me. How did you ask her out?”
“Oh.” He looked over, unsure, then continued, “A folded paper rose.”

I thought of the intricate bouquet of handmade roses he gave them to me three and a half years ago in a mix of neon colors- pink, yellow, green, blue, that now lay in the bottom of my cupboard, unseen and forgotten, collecting dust. A funny feeling slowly seeped into me. I thought that his handmade roses were meant for only me. I just could not bring myself to imagine him doing the things we did together with another person.  Instantly, I mentally stabbed myself for such selfish thoughts.

“Oh, that’s nice.” I replied, perhaps a little too high-pitched. It was as if something was being stirred up, like how dust rises into the air when a small gust of wind blows.

“You changed me”, he said suddenly. Pause. “You taught me how it was to love someone.”
“You changed me, too…” I trailed off. The amount of thoughts in my head were far too large, too heavy, to be put into simple words.

I looked out of the window, the passing roads forming a blur of orange and grey now. The times we spent together seemed to follow suit, whizzing past in my head.

He never made me insecure, and he never made me uncomfortable. Whenever I was with him, I could gape at the movie screen without feeling conscious, I could eat like a fool in front of him without feeling ashamed and I could just go on dates without arranging my hair that never failed to look unkempt.

It was his first time driving both of us, and I recalled the past when we mentioned that we would go for night car rides when he could drive, where we could then go back home anytime without the worry of transport.

Looking at him less than an arm’s length away, I imagined us being together again. Would things be different? No, I answered myself. We would still be vastly different and incompatible. But it was him alright, just across me, in a plain black tee and pants. It was him alright, talking about his same friends, making jokes, talking about things with his in-born confidence. It was him alright, that used to give me his undivided attention and time, him who would be the one who send me to and from work no matter how tired he was, him who would listen to all my problems and silently detest the people who unsettled me. But it was different now. Who could I blame, when I was the one who had let go of the string as to which tied us together?

As what they say, “Out of sight, out of mind”. People move on anyway. So did I, and him. Like the movie, it started with great expectations, with people rushing to the movie quickly in hope of fulfilling their desire and expectations. But some things don’t always turn out the way we want them to.

When the string broke off, it did not break off violently like strings usually do. It broke off in a natural way as if there was a very invisible but gentle force pulling on both ends, finally breaking without a sound like it was meant to be from the beginning. When the string broke, it felt as if some part of me went along as well. It seemed to me, I didn’t know what the word, love, entails. It seems too powerful a word to be used haphazardly, like how people say it nowadays. I looked at him across me. He was still the same, but different. I should not look into the past too much, for some things are meant to just stay in the past. Where the people we miss are different from who they are now. I guess I am no different.

The entire thought process ran through my mind uncontrollably. How time flies. Before seeing him, I did not know that pain can be delayed and buried so deep inside that you would not know its presence until a certain time comes. Ridiculously, I relished and savored the pain that came. A pain that came from a void, without a rhyme or reason. I guess I will never stop wondering about myself.

The car turned into my driveway.

“I should go soon. I have work tomorrow.” I said.
There was a millisecond of silence. I wanted time to stand still, where I wouldn’t have to go, and he wouldn’t have to leave and we could just enjoy each other’s presence.
“Can I have a hug before I go?” I said, unable to stop myself.
He looked over with his glittering eyes in the dark, illuminated by the street lamps outside.
“Sure.” He reached over and enveloped me in his arms. I inhaled his familiar body scent –which was just plain body soap; no cologne, no deodorant; just soap. I edged my face into his shoulders and inhaled again. For that few seconds, it felt as if I never left. It felt as if his shoulder was moulded for my face, my chin. His body scent transported me back to past, where he would bore his dark, diluted pupils into mine and whisper I love you when I felt inadequate and doubtful. Time, like trickling sand in an hourglass, has really flown, and fast. The tears finally came, pooling uncontrollably and rolling down silently like the raindrops outside. I bit down on my lip for fear that my tears might make its presence known. The car whirred steadily now. I closed my eyes and we stayed still for a few seconds. The unsaid things that hovered heavily over us seemed as if it was going to burst-but slowly, it seemed to resign to its fate. It decided that it needn’t have to be said and proceeded to just enclosing us in its invisible, protective shell.

I breathed in one last of his body scent, as if it was antidote for my splintered soul. “I should really go now.” I shifted resolvedly out of his embrace and unbuckled my seatbelt hurriedly as my voice threatened to tremble in front of him.
“Do you want me to send you back?” He asked.
“No, it’s alright.”

I got out hurriedly and walked furiously, the tears coming full flow now.

The years we had been together formed a monument in my world, but I know that the years with us apart would now increase, forming a great distance where I could only think of the monument without ever trying to change its form or construction, or even try to build something with the same material.

Until now I never understood the way I functioned. The way my mind thinks, the way my heart feels, the way I act – they all form an incomplete puzzle, the edges all placed in the incorrect places. But still a picture, which I have yet to find out.

Something new

Finally tried Zumba for the first time yesterday after 4 months of persuading me to go. 

Initially I was pretty reluctant- I guess I'm afraid of stepping out of my comfort zones. But seeing my friends unabashedly try them out as well, i figured i should make the leap too! and it was helluva lot of fun. 

OK. I've to admit it was super fun- seeing everyone do the same thing together with the upbeat music. it somehow felt like some sort of national day parade performance where everyone goes through the same motion energetically in unison. And feeling the perspiration from every pore of my body was so good. reminds me i should get back to exercising! Teehee. 

Sunlight off our hair

State of euphoria comes and goes so suddenly, and it may or may not last. 

But while the state of pure euphoria and joy exists, cherish every single moment of it. 

Sometimes the most unplanned activities may give you so much more than you can imagine. 

Went to support the peeps at Zumba today! Loser me was already planning I stay back later but was pulled to go!

We sat in a convertible and it was pure euphoria hahahahahah. So thankful. 

Even though the ride was less than 15 minutes, it seemed like a road trip and we took photos and videos along the way. With the wind in our hair, my hair slapping their faces, our laughter carried away by the wind, the zooming reverberations of the car along the road- I can say i am glad they got me out of the office early. 

Of course we have to thank P for letting us sit in her super duper cool automobile. :) it went vroom VROOOM! 

The Zumba event was really surprising! There were hundreds of people surrounding the centre, all going through the same motion. It seemed like a sort of national day parade performance with everyone moving in synchrony. 

Thank you office mommy for always giving me more than I can imagine.

And of course these two punkheads who always bully the shit out of me but well the world has changed and it's time for role reversal! 

#whatttamisaying 

Happy 21st

Happy birthday Kx!

Know you'll never read this but oh well!

After what we've been through, 

I just wanna show appreciation to everything you've given me when we had it together! 

You've given me a tonne of memories, experiences and of course things that just can't be expressed in mere words. 

Like how I am to you, you'll always be a special friend to me as well. 

May you find joy always :) 

Happy Birhday Weilin! 

Though we rarely talk anymore, 

You're one of the comical friends I've met in JC and I'll always be thankful for you.

The memories hve been blurred but I know we had been good buddies once :) 

Stay happy always. 

Cheers

L 

Gratitude

BHearing "I'm glad I met you" and

"I"m glad I have you" two dawns in a row from two entirely different people are one of the nicest things that can warm my heart from the deepest crevice- a reminder that we can be so much better :) 

Hehe. 

. 

Happy bday Yuheng :)

Happy birthday YH! 

Meeting YH and YF brought back lots of memories of us being disobedient during school, driving to bus station for lost laptops, and always suggesting to one another to not do the boring assignments  together! Probably wouldn't have survived archi term without these two, always tolerating my messiness, my endless sighing and whinings, and offering more than a helping hand during my desperate frenzies when time threatens. Always a blessing to have you both as studio table partners in this wonderful section ^^ 

Le wild and kind Matthew came all the way from the West and appeared with a cake and surprised all of us! Hahhaa. 

Paiseh the meet up was too last min! 

Nonetheless, hope you enjoyed it. 

Btw

Nana Green Tea sucks. 

Azuki latte was too sweet and the cold udon with sesame sauce was just thick and weird. 

But cheers anyway ^^ 

mood for a chinese song

Not looking for a chance to turn back the clock,

because after a while, time numbs the wounds,

for until today I still blame myself for everything that has evolved

we have both moved on,

me with my life and yours  a new phase.

Not that they actually lurk anymore,

in fact I think it's gone;

but it stays etched as a pure fact that promises may be broken

The pain does not come from the snapping of the ropes,

but of the sheer fact that it can, actually be broken.

Happiness is when you've learnt

Writing v simply.... 

Today's is one of my happy days. 

First of all, it is Charl's last week and hence we had a pot luck party at work! I cooked rice (LOL) and even learned how much water to measure and left it cook while we worked! Then J and K came too and I felt like we were almost reunited except for the rest who were all around the world. We brought all kinds of food Burmese food, Chinese food, western food, grassjelly, and some of us who couldn't cook (eg me) bought stuff from outside. It was a happy reunion(I felt like that way) and we laughed lots and ate lots. It was super filling! Charl's Sichuan dishes were tantalising(ESP her tofu), and Joseph cooked his fish (rly surprised at guys nowadays) and Ken wore his present we bought him. Happy happy day. 

Then we had free ice cream day! Even though I was already stuffed, I still went to get for the sake of free ice cream hehe. We all trooped down to get ice cream in the drizzle. Happily. 

Full and satisfied, we had to get back to work. Hahhaaha. 

At night I met Yaya, my unicorn! I feel so guilty for I've not seen her for so long. Met up at Baa baa black sheep and we went super high due to the pumped up music reverberating throughout the restaurant. It had both indoor and outdoor with huge ass tv screens. The outdoor was also not only cooling, but had a very calm ambience. It's indeed a good place to hang out and we had a great time filling ech other with stories. It felt as if we were still the same crappy folks since JC days. How I've missed it. 

A happy soul sleeps tonight. 

Think happy thoughts and do happy things. 

You'll definitely be happier.

That's also one step closer to loving yourself. 

A glowing body ache

My first kayaking+running experience at once! It was an NUS event for the public. I was pretty hyped up about it as I've always wanted to try kayaking but never had the chance. Things went pretty well except for some bad service like the baggage deposit area and some organisation issues with lots of waiting time but I guess it was an eye opening experience for me at least.

Before entering the water I was really afraid my boat wouldn't move- like I've seen Running Man on tv- their boats couldn't move! Hahah so I was really worried. Moreover, I never kayaked before. Maybe in primary school but damn it was ages ago. 

The kayak was really heavy though! 

When we went into the waters I was really happy the boat managed to move and wow it moved pretty well and definitely cm, my partner has lots of credit for it. It really felt nice gliding over the waters (the water kept entering our boat with every movement of the paddle) overlooking the view of Marina Bay! It was a hot day, but i didn't really notice it as I was too excited to be on the waters! After a few repetitive movements, I got used to the action. Dig into water, row, bring up, rotate the paddle, then repeat for the other side of the hand. It was a great experience though my thumb got blisters after that. I remember us working together - right, left, right, left. My arms started aching when we reached the half point but I'm so glad we didn't give up! Lots of times I started to feel the muscles feeling strained but I continually dug the paddles into the water - mind over body, mind over body! 

The second part of it was the 5km run. Honestly I thought I'd be prepared for it but when I got out of the boat and started running, I felt like my torso and below felt rigid; my knees seemed to be frozen. After running a few metres, I wanted to just stop and rest already. The sun was scorching, my stomach was still full from my lunch (stupid move I did there) and my torso and downwards weren't workin with me.  I thought it would be the opposite as I was just using my arms and core for the boat. Perhaps my body just wasn't used to the immediate switch and it was begging me to stop. It felt as if my mind, my heart and my knees werent jn the same body.

But anyways my partner, cm continually encouraged me alongside when he could have gone first. E and X ran with us too, sometimes behind us, sometimes infront. Running the whole 5km was really torturing, but I was so glad I didn't stop, besides at the water points with the refreshing gulps of hundred plus. It's just 5km, I told myself. I distracted myself by looking at the scenery (but it didn't really help) and thought of really random things that I can't remember. Since I wasn't listening to any music, I listened to my breathing which was really disturbing for it was ragged and heavy. Do I really breathe like that normally when I'm running? Now, I still can't remember how I made it through the run. I wonder what thoughts when trough my head when I was running, though I can still remember the stale air of fertilisers, heavy breathing, the dry greenery at the side, the passing dragon boaters in the barrage. But I know that if it weren't for Cm I know I would have really stopped. The last stretch on the bridge seemed so interminable though. 500m at that point of time seemed like 50000m. Oh wells. Mind over body, mind over body! 

 I made it in the end, despite a really slow speed. 

Ending the day with body aches but with a satisfied, glowing heart.

A Balance of the mind and heart

Releasing your grip on something painful is one step closer to loving yourself. 

*** 

*

Been up at work lately and reading Haruki Murakami's Wind Up Bird Chronicle! Not as twisted as the other books I've read but still very strange and eccentric. 

Passed by some really nice scenes and buildings today- pleasant scenes at unexpected timings always make me grin. 

The arched walls here at Bkt Timah that hve been up for so many years seem to me like they've gone through many things- sights and sounds, people passing, vehicles rumbling, scenes changing. 

Also passed by a temple that was in the midst of construction. Seemed like a very  Japanese style. Wanted to pop in but alas it wasn't open to the public yet :( 

Headed to K's bday party afterward! 

I think it was the furthest I'm been up at Upp Bkt Timah. It was hilly and in a rather private vicinity. 

I seemed to have lot of pent up laughter in my stomach for I had a great time laughing till my stomach hurt.

Haven't smiled on the way home for so long. 

"Maybe sometimes, if you believe you're happy and doing well, you may turn out exactly what you believe. 

But so will you when you believe in the bad."

Henceforth, strike a balance between the depths of the heart and true reality. 

Once again the words in my head are far too heavy to be written coherently. 

*

Shall end here.

Ciao. 

 

Another Chamber Performance

This time it was for my school's fund-raising event.
It was held at a place different from the other places I've performed before, a country club.
It was nestled so deep in the woods that I felt as if we had so much "secret green spaces".

It was a very hot sweltering day and looking at the golfers in the course made me think-why? hahaha
Performing with these bunch of people gave me a glimpse to more of their personality and it reminds me why we shouldn't judge. How I wish I can know them better...

The song was 7 minutes long.
During the performance I wondered if they were actually listening to us.
I could hear the chattering of voices, raucous laughter, clinking of glasses.
The 7 minutes felt particularly long.
I was glad when it was over.
I clambered quickly down the steps.

Prior to that, we had to apply a thin layer of make up and the preparations for the performance reminded me greatly of my secondary school days where we had to prepare for SYF and the whole room would be a in a frenzy- cluttered make up boxes all over, costumes strewn all around and everyone would be chattering and moving around in anticipation with a bundle of nerves.

There would also be guitar camps and me my friends would secretly leave the rooms in the middle of the night walking around school before heading back to the freezing music room. It amazes me how I can remember some things so vividly- though at that point of time it didnt really matter much to me, or not that it does now, but they were really times tht whenever we reminisce about it- it'd make us smile.
Sometimes I wonder why we even look back.
Probably it's because they contained so much innocuous and unpretentious memories that were made with immaturity but purity, with no distractions with other things like the social media and other.. things.
Because it was for SYF, we had to practise 2-3 times a week, and hence the bond built among us was strong and tight. But of course good times don't always last and we learn that.
People grow up and there are more important things to do, more people to meet up with, more commitments yada yada, yada yada.
Well, it was good while it lasted.
At least it's something I can look back fondly.

These are the photos that day at Island Country Club.
Another musical phase- with new, nice faces since uni. :)

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Have been busying myself with violin and more violin.
I hope the gala on Friday will turn out well!

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Watched the movie The Fault in Our Stars.
Man, it's been so long since I've watched a really heartwarming movie.
The last romance one was Norwegian Wood which really wasn't up to expectations for I read the book.
I felt the movie failed to capture the emotions.
Even though I didn't read the TFIOS book, I guess the movie successfully captured the emotions.
Acceptance, Heartbreak, Love.
Smiled many times throughout the movie for it almost felt like it was a real story, with their emotions really punctuating.

However I was really put off by a revolting couple beside me who were really just into themselves-
touching, talking, moving. I just didnt have the guts to reprimand them. :(
And they kept on "OK"-ing each other after the "Perhaps OK will be our Always" scene.
 I couldn't emphasise how annoyed and revolted I was by them degrading the movie. OK I shall stop my complaints for I didn't have the guts to shush them. urgh. (But I stared at them tho, and they stopped awhile. HAHA. #cheapthrill)

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A new week is here.
May it be fulfilling and filled with joy and gratefulness!

Arbit。

A penny for my arbitrary thoughts: 

At the end of the day, what makes something worthwhile, and what doesn't? 

My tuition teacher used to tell me: 

"Sometimes, you have to lose yourself to find yourself again."

At times you may lose your threshold. But you always have to remind yourself consistently. 

What keeps you alive? Nurture it. 

None? Find it. 

Will pass by the reservoir on the way to work everyday. 

The mist in the morning always casts a little shimmery fog over the waters, looking as if it stays there permanently. ig exudes something- something which I can't describe.

I've seen it so many times, but every single time I pass by; I'll still get enraptured by its wordless beauty. 

Wrappin' and Rollin'

Celebrating Kelly's unofficial last day at work! 

Tried Vietnamese food at Wrap and Roll for the first time. Wasn't that tasty but well I guess it should taste much better in Vietnam!

But I have to say that their prawn cupcake is really not bad(tho a little oily)- I realise each and every one of their dish will be accompanied by some fish oil or some sort. 

And their paper skin pork rolls are really unique! Had to spray some sort of water to make it soft so that it wraps nicely around your pork. 

Don't really write  about food but well its my first time trying Vietnamese chow! Was too lazy to take other photos for they looked pretty ordinary. 

Watched Transformers for the first time in the theatres. But oh well there were many loop holes and some cheesy scenes. 

Somehow feeling this post is really really incoherent for I'm just writing whatever flies into my mind. 

But oh well. 

Never mind. 

Time for the weekends. 

May it be fulfilling. 

The 20s phase

Think we already know we've long reached that age where we don't have to say everything as some problems can be solved by ourselves. And even if not, we have to learn and grit our teeth and fight them out on our own. 

Sometimes there might be awkward silences in our meet ups because we don't meet so much as often anymore, and also cuz whatever we have and need to say, have  already been said in our teenage and pre uni years (same yet different issues). And I know we're all growing and busy with our lives. 

But nonetheless, I hope we still stay together despite reaching the phase where we start to prepare ourselves for the real world. 

They've been the people who've seen me grow from a tomboy to a less tomboy! (Who made friends with me despite my rolled up socks, my Kneelength school skirt, my short bobba hair with disgusting fringes, etc etc) 

Missing our fellow musician J who's been out having rehearsals :( 

Part of What I've been Buzzing about: A Summary

Met an old friend at a choco shop who treated me to nice sweet goodies

Pre-boss birthday, where we were preparing to perform 

On the boss birthday, where we performed our own version of Diamond cover by Rihanna hahaha

On MS's last day of work where we ate Two Days One night at Beauty World and it was pretty disappointing 

Passed by this nice but loooooong quote somewhere in the West! 

Jalan Kayu. The skies here invariably create complex patterns.

For B's birthday. Happy birthday. You're a very rich girl. By rich I mean rich in giving your love to people you care about :)

Finally meeting up with her at D Good Ol Cafe. pretty good food without GST and Service charge. 

Company BBQ with the fellows. 

A hiding tower at Raffles.