Friday, September 27, 2019

You were my safe space. But I chose to leave.

At this phase of life where I am, it is time where I want to come to terms with... myself.

You were my safe space for a good 4.5 years.
We braved through thick and thins, all weather; good or bad, snowy or sunny.
You were always there for me, a well of words, a blanket of comfort.
A space where I went to when I felt lower than the dumps, a space I went to to share my ultimate joys.

But yet I wanted more, and I was taking you for granted.

I wanted to want you all the time. I didn't want love to become a commitment; or a chore, for all it was.

I loved you deeply and through. But I wanted more... 
I wanted to feel excited when I see you, I want to feel happy and in love.

I did not want to be unfair to you, nor myself.
I did not want to waste any more time of yours, nor mine.
That was why, I chose to leave.

I think I left in a slipshod manner, kind of in a hurry.

The silhouette of what we had still stands there in time, in the most hidden corners of me. 
Something hiding, something present, yet.. it isnt.

Sometimes, most of the times actually, I feel like I need to go somewhere, be with someone, to do something.

Then I realise that I have taken this path.

And, I want to be okay with being alone, sometimes doing nothing, and being okay with myself; without a desire to want to rush off to somewhere, to do something, or be with someone.

And so this journey starts.

And I wish myself luck.

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