Gray matter

you're the stars in my skies of bleakness.


Term 9, week 9, day 4.

At the end of the day, you're still the one you have to face when you sleep at night.
You're the one whom you've to stay true in the end.

These few weeks pretty had me staying back in school 2-3 nights a week, where we would sleep under the studio table (for me I would have my head a little jutted out under the table, I feel claustrophobic.) i didn't wear my long pants at night and actually woke up in the middle of the night shivering; and a few more times after that. How silly.

Once or twice during the presentations, I could really hear my heartbeat pulsating through my ears. I'm impressed of how anxious I could actually be. The feeling of wanting to take the first step out of your comfort zone, putting a few toe steps forward, then going back again, then falling forward, and back again. I think I didn't really fulfil my own expectations. But y told me it's ok, I should give myself some time.

Sometimes I wonder how I became someone I couldn't really understand.
Though I wish some times I could channel such thoughts into really doing my work.
But time and again I cannot help but wonder about this heart and brain of mine, which are always taking swords and trying to slash each other, then going back into their almost surreal shells of their own lives.

Ok I shall end now, though really (most of the time)  incoherently.