A Purpose

Disclaimer: Do not continue reading if you do not want to feel depressed.

I've forgotten how it feels like to wake up feeling refreshed, energetic, eager to start the day.
I've forgotten how it feels like to look forward going to school after a holiday.
I've forgotten how to mix around among other people, friends without feeling tired.
I've forgotten how to feel like to laugh loudly in school.
I've forgotten how it feels like to engage in meaningful conversations with people, be it about life, or work.
I've forgotten how I used to be able to stay in school all the time without having to shun people or coop up in my own nest.

Everyone seems to have their own goal, and in some, I even see some sort of fire in their eyes.
I wish I have that too.
But looking at the work I have to face, or the type of work I have to do, I trudge.

I do wish I have courage to get myself out of this situation, I really do.

Then again, what do I want?

Does everyone know what they really want?
Do they all want to do something related to the major they are doing?
Are they happy?

I am sorry, but I know I am not the ideal student in this society; the ideal student who can do everything well despite it not being what they want.

I need a purpose.