0.5

"Today I woke up a little later than usual.

I sat in the living room and waited  for the morning to sink in.

My half opened laptop sat on my study table, with the late morning light streaming in.

It suddenly brought me back to days when I had to force myself up from the living room cushion at 630 in the morning to squeeze out something for C.

I remember the dread (and slight fear of not being able to produce) and the pure tiredness that filled my body. I remember the bright orange light from the table lamp shining on my laptop screen, I would be frantically clicking at my screen.
I see myself hunched over the laptop in the darkness (all except from the laptop and table lamp), and awhile later, I would be slouched over the table, head in my arms,  laptop screen still, no clicking sounds.
Everyone in the family would have left for work hours later, while I slept.
At about 8, I would get up (again) from the sofa, cursing, swearing and hating myself.
My sister would see me and say, you should have slept in the room instead. Isn't this worse.

I've come back to reality.
I am out of that phase.
That phase of trying to have my own style, yet restricted by comments.
I took them to me, to my work.

Now, I won't let them affect me anymore.

And no, I don't want to go back to those days.

Those days of sheer criticisms, condescending remarks, and living like a pathetic soul."

- Excerpt 0.5