A Purpose

Disclaimer: Do not continue reading if you do not want to feel depressed.

I've forgotten how it feels like to wake up feeling refreshed, energetic, eager to start the day.
I've forgotten how it feels like to look forward going to school after a holiday.
I've forgotten how to mix around among other people, friends without feeling tired.
I've forgotten how to feel like to laugh loudly in school.
I've forgotten how it feels like to engage in meaningful conversations with people, be it about life, or work.
I've forgotten how I used to be able to stay in school all the time without having to shun people or coop up in my own nest.

Everyone seems to have their own goal, and in some, I even see some sort of fire in their eyes.
I wish I have that too.
But looking at the work I have to face, or the type of work I have to do, I trudge.

I do wish I have courage to get myself out of this situation, I really do.

Then again, what do I want?

Does everyone know what they really want?
Do they all want to do something related to the major they are doing?
Are they happy?

I am sorry, but I know I am not the ideal student in this society; the ideal student who can do everything well despite it not being what they want.

I need a purpose.

Feeling like quitting.
What am I doing with my time?
when it can be used on more important things?
Helping those who need help around the world. Or helping others impact in their world.
Is it important to be rich and well known in this word?
Is that all it is?

We're bumper cars.

you and me, we're bumper cars.

Slowly breaking down the walls that stayed for so long.
Dear friends please give me some time.
Feeling thankful, especially to those who've never left.

What do you do?

What do you do, when your teacher likes your idea but you're constrained by experience to implement your strategies to make this design work?
What do you do, even after countless of advice, you still cant seem to piece everything together?
What do you do, when your head is filled with a wondrous image of your design, but you just can't to make it work?
What do you do, when your head seems to be overflowing but your hand just can't draw them out?

when nothing's going right, go left?

What to do when nothing's going right at all?
It seems like everything's happening all at one shot.
I guess its true when they say, its either everything happening at once or nothing happens at all.

I'm in a vicious cycle I've allowed myself to fall into.
I allow the dark, pessimistic thoughts to get to me.

November's here

Went to her house approaching 12am and thanks to papa and mama lim, surprise success!! It took her 5 eternity seconds to recognize that I was there standing in her living room with a box of muffins and singing a happy birthday song awkwardly. Happy 21st, my dear friend. I think I don't have to say much. 

But know that it's something I really wanna do for my longest friend. 

And before that me and T had our first official meal outside with our childhood friend since he's going into the army! Though memories are vague, I remember us growing up together and there are baby photos of it! Even though I've actually known you for 20 years of my life, yesterday was just our first outing how pathetic is that! 😂 

All the best Sean!