You make architecture become, a chore

I'm still the same person. The same person who can't be forced to do something I don't want/don't like. 

This school has killed it all. If there was any passion at all, it has been eradicated until there isn't any speck. 

Work load comes in waves. 

On weekends after a tiring draining week, your body screams for play; or plainly, just rest. Mind and body away from this overwhelming waves of work. 

And when your body fails to comply and rests instead, you feel guilty afterward for just resting. Designing becomes a tiring chore, deadlines everyday, projects Submisson every week. 

Some things are done just because it is graded. Just cause I need to complete it, I do it half heartedly and when the arrows fly, it should have been something expected but still it will hurt. Probably, if I were to do it half heartedly again, I shouldn't even start. 

Architecture, and this particular education becomes a chore. 

Have you, ever put yourselves in our shoes? 

Week 4

Week 4.

The week where all the projects are due. 

Curse mode was 10000 today. 

I hope you'll let us tide over smoothly and not let us lose faith in this place. 

It has become really draining mentally, I even had stomach aches due to the work load, which was something I never really experienced before. 

Deadlines upon deadlines. I wonder if they ever liased with one another about the work they are giving us. 

Still, I'm glad that Tuesday is finally over.

And I had a nice home breakfast of beehoon today! 

And I had raucousIgnasius(one of the few who can understand my lameness and weirdness) and kind Mel to help me out with Vasari ! 

And Shirley beryl and some section 2 people creating chaos to ease our pressure away. Even the sp from poly said that its so much worse compared to poly ): 

still, i pray that after going through all these, we'll all be good. 

And I finished my revit model which is really a miracle thanks to Jo who guided me :) 

Counting my blessings....

331am 

L

Clockwork mouse running on batteries

These few days haven't been exactly great so far!
I walked out on my group on Monday and fell out with a friend but I finally made it up with her.
I guess I can never stop discovering more about myself, the walls I have built up against others, the walls I have built up against myself...

Itp had been a healing period and now it's back to real life- the feeling of time pressing down on your back, workload becoming heavier. In short, the feeling as if you're on an escalator but still there are tonnes of people pushing you at the back. Sometimes the days make me feel as if I'm a clockwork mouse, running on batteries with no particular sensation or emotion. Or rather, no time for emotions.

Meeting new people and going to new places are good for healing. But I realise the issues aren't ever solved unless you start by tackling it straight in the bud.

Certain scenarios like this calm me down, amidst the hustle and bustle of this chug-a-chug lifestyle. 

Back to Sch

Back at school for only the second week and we're already rushing for final presentation. 

And not exactly being a good student by going to bed while people wake up nor sleeping proper hours. I need my sleep D: 

* 

Missing home and friends more than ever recently. 

One of the pictures I took while staying up late at school! 

Life's gonna be a little dry for now but more hectic definitely! 

Non-constructive

One of my JC friends had a party today.
Though honestly I dont like parties, I still went to see him- ages since I met him!
One of the most irritating buddies in JC but still one-of-a-kind.
I hope he will find joy in his new phase in life!

I guess parties make me feel out of place and sometimes I prefer to be a wallflower though I will actually still be making lots of commotion but oh well.

**
Sometimes I think in a void.

There're nothing specific really, just random memories of people and things that happened.
Most of them are really funny, the kind that will always make you smile but are the kind that just
makes you happy in that moment.

Usually the days pass with much laughter.. but there's still something crucial missing that I can't seem to grasp upon.

With Grace

For knowing me more than I myself,

For pushing me into the water when I felt like I've been sleeping under a warm comfy blanket for years, 

For nipping the issue in the bud, 

For shaking me thoroughly when I need it most :-) 

For knowing me inside out throughout these 12.5 years,

I'm thankful for your grace :) 

3 sunny days, 2 lasting nights

Went to Bintan for the first time for 3 days and 2 nights. Thankful for this experience thanks to Mag for being so altruistic and sharing towards the three kids. 

Being in a constant bustle transiting from school, to work to violin exam, this retreat allowed me much time. Having a slow lifestyle there made me feel as if I was living in a different time zone, where eating, walking and playing didnt have to be rushed. As bad as it may sound, I was really unused to it. I guess I should have more periods of real-chill like these. Time in a way passed really slowly over there, but yet as a whole, in a flash. 

There were moments I really enjoyed which would bring joy to my heart if I were to recall the memories. I loved it when we walked along the rocks under the warm glow of the moon. It was bright against the dark sky. There was the gentle lapping of the waves against the rocks, the dim lights of the lamps, the occasional buzz of a passing aeroplane in the sky, the soft fine sand flowing through between our toes. The vastness of both the sky and the sea - their entirety exuded a magical and mysterious glow, but yet at the same encapturing a sort of huge, unknown undescribable void..... 

Mag brought lanterns along and we carried them (bringing me back to my primary and secondary school days where we would carry lanterns and play with candles at our void decks) and walked along the beach. The lanterns were really mini ones, the traditional types in dark pink, light green and yellow with flowers adorned on it. It made me think of younger times when me and the pumpkins would play candles by the benches and throw sparklers into trees. Funny how time has flown! 

Lucky us, we managed to catch a live firework show. We waited for a good 20-30 minutes where the staff lighted up two  boxes of firework supported on the posts . It was magical! They shot up into the sky and burst into many colours and I enjoyed every second of it. I didn't take photo of them cuz I wanted to capture them all in my head. The firework was just right above our heads and I could see the sparks dropping down into the sand. (Kinda afraid that it would have dropped Onto my head though but I was lucky) I think they burst into colourful flames just about 10 storeys above us? It was so close!! Mag made friends with children along the way and it was really funny when one of the lanterns caught fire and the kids were really so excited about them.

I also tried the waterjet ski for the first time. It was ultra exhilarating because Wayne drove so fast and I was holding into him for dear life. I was such a noob, but real thanks to his selflessness he agreed to let me be the pillion rider even though I was such a burden! The jet ski person brought us out quite far and I saw  the many beaches and rocks and villas along the way. Of course at the time when we were flying through the water we couldn't take any photos, but I will always remember the experience in my head- the sliding of the jet ski over the strong waves, my heart in my mouth, the blasting winds through our hair, the brightness of the sun, the white passing beaches, the glittering water, the occasional fishing hut out in the further waters, the whizzing past of Kenneth on his jet ski with his hair flying up against the wind, the sharp loops and turns adventurous Wayne made, our (mostly mine) screams that went along with our jet ski ( "FUN OR NOT?" "YESSS!!" *accelerates more*) and of course me swinging into the water when I couldn't hold on anymore. We were all burnt lobsters thereafter. Pink shiny nose, reddish arms, tired bodies, refreshed souls.

Mag brought us out for a lavish dinner by the beach as well with luxuriant food platters! I tried sheared fish for the first time(tasted like fruit) and vinegrette(vinegar and basil oil?? Or was it olive oil?)! 

-

Being my roomie she made me step out of my comfort zones many a times- "WEAR THE BIKINI LAH" and I'm really thankful for her pushing me out of my boundaries I never thought I would. Perhaps it's really time for me.  

Being my foot wrestler he's a wise young man with wise soothing advice and words,but rmb I'll be there if you ever need too ;) 

& of course this fellow ESFP whom I find his quirkiness and eccentricity reflecting mine sometimes :) 

Appreciative for these series of events I've encountered so far- meeting new people, visiting new places, doing new things - definitely, experience is really the best teacher ever. 

Of course the best things are never in pictures or maybe not even words, but definitely in the head :) 

* 

On a side note, I should really start embracing school. And I shall RESIST THE EVIL FORCES ;)